I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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