STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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