apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
