You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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