i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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