i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
