am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
