I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
