Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i can't believe i had my finger in that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
