im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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