they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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