can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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