ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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