I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
