So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
