Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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