someone owes me an orgasm
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
