I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
