Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
