We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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