He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
