that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
