You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
