mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
