She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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