so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
