dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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