I want to stick my p in your. b.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
