I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
