she looked like the before picture.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
