I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
