There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
