I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
