U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
