He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
