Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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