Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
