apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
