Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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