we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
