We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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