the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
