Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
