Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
