Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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