Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
