I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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