I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
