you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
