So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
