it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i believe in u and ur pee
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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