I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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