This is not my ceiling
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
