Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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