totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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