So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
did you just send me my own nude
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
