thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
as a side note pls kill me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
