i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
