He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
