so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
