I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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