$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
