worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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