I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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