Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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