They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
